The Top 10 Essentials
for a Shared Understanding

‘Being understood’ would very likely be one of the greatest human desires. Perhaps William Isaac’s works in “Dialogue” suggest the following elements necessary for an environment conducive for mutual understanding?

A desire to fully understand each other inside the relationship.
No other purpose or action is in the driver’s seat.
Ability to allow the other to have their point of view without you or them having to change.
It is just their view.
Suspension of all assumptions, projections or judgments of each other.
A non-fill-in-the-blank mind of thoughts or statements. What is said is what you have to work with.
A mind permeable to new possibilities.
Certainty is the death of new shared understanding, for it knows only itself.
Periodic reflections or validations to check if you are connecting at the content and context level.
We only know what WE know unless we check for understanding.
An honoring of the other as someone worth understanding.
And we control this, not them.
A 50/50 Advocacy to Inquiry ratio.
And the inquiry is not to manipulate, but to understand.
Appreciation of the commonness yet a seeking to understand the ‘why’ of differences.
A presence in the present.
Being in the moment so you ONLY hear what they say, not what has been previously formulated.
An understanding of the other is the permission to offer (not give) counsel.
Any counsel which didn’t take the time to understand is called ‘cheap advice’.

Author: Duke, BS, FHIMSS, a performance improvement geek at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center
Source: CoachVille Knowledge Base Nugget "The Top 10 Essentials for a Shared Understanding"
Category: Relationships, Relating, Couples (BB270)
Originally Submitted: 4/28/2001
Copyright: ©1996-2005 Coach University
Link: http://topten.org/public/BB/BB270.html

Page Updated: Thu, 21 Apr 2005 00:19:28 GMT ♦ Page Generated: Tue, 14 Feb 2012 16:37:19 GMT
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